Release

laughing and crying

To release: to set something/someone free, to let go, concluding a musical tone, action of throwing a ball…Words can have so many meanings. Songs, poetry, stories have reference that laughing and crying are the same release. They both release emotions. Sometimes something strikes you as so funny tears run down your face. The shock of something can cause a little sound that comes out like a laugh but is either real?

I know I am a bit dark today. Tomorrow will be one year that I started writing this blog. It does not replace hearing John’s voice each Sunday. I do still hear it in my head and my heart is thankful for that. “…grief hasn’t broken our ability to feel happiness…just may not be the same as before.” S. Forsythia

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” Buddha

The things I have chosen to do along my path are helping. Doing this road trip, the rocks that friends and family wrote upon leaving them in places that John lived, worked and left memories. These things leave a peaceful calm. We still get a lot of questions and at times they are hard, emotionally. They bring up the future and I cry because his ended.

Rick skipping a rock into Lake Michigan.

Grief is everywhere and some of my sadness is distress we are all feeling. Yet, there is still - Hope - the laughter of a child, the touch of a hand, the beauty in walking through the woods, or right now around the apple orchards on our friends farm.

Grief has no ending, each person deals with it in there own way. I will keep doing what ever my heart tells me to do and find my own way. I need to look back at John’s emails they make me smile. I may just find a corner to sit and draw. That usually helps take me to a space without tears. Maybe I will take a walk first and look in on some of the new baby calves.

Thanks you for being with me while I release some of these emotions. As I end this I am already doing better. Take care, be strong, stay safe, much love, Linda aka “Ma” & “l-mom”